<i></i> <i></i> <i></i> -1<p><img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/c-users-zainab-afridi-downloads-23-10-2432-jpg.jpeg"/></p> <p>So your friend recently went through something horrible in the everyday life and you couldn’t make her feel better? Well, that might have made you feel you don’t worth being her friend, right? It’s a horrible feeling how some incidents make us realize where we stand but these are negative approaches to it. What needs to be considered is the fact that you will eventually improve and learn how to make your friend feel awesome again.</p> <p>Want to know how to do it right? Give heed to these challenges and tips below.</p> <h3>13. Knowing what to say</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1692.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>When someone close to you is down or hurt, it most probably affects your mood also. The biggest challenge and basically a question raised in your mind would be regarding what to say as soon as you know about their problem. The fear of unintentionally hurting them through extra attention is totally normal but these are fears, which can be ignored.</p> <p>The solution for this is to actually focus on actions rather than words, not saying anything and hugging them can make a huge impact on their state. They will feel the empathy you have for them and will trust you in other matters of their lives, as well.</p> <h3>12. Intentions matter</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1693.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>Trust me, we have all been in a situation where we try our best to make someone feel better through different ways and end up making them sadder than they were. It’s totally normal since we are always not ready for such situations and try to work our brains to figure out what to do or say. We also express an emotional outburst at these situations due to our annoyance at the ones hurting our friends, but an emotional outburst make them feel worse. It tells us that sometimes, our good intentions are off-center, just because we don’t know the right way to deal with such matters.</p> <p>The right way to deal with good intentions is to make them relax and let them tell you how they feel about what happened. This will make them feel lighter and they will not be annoyed at a sudden burst of emotions from your side.</p> <h3>11. What to do if they’ve just lost a loved one</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1694.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>This is the toughest situation we all can face since when your friend faces loss of someone close, such as a family member or pet, all you say to them falls down with their tears. This happens because they don’t need anyone that everything’s gonna be fine, they know that. Instead, they just want someone to help them let out their emotions so they can at least cure from such a trauma.</p> <p>The right way to make them feel better in such situations is to just hold their hand or hug them, the silence can convey the positive vibes to them, making them feel calmer. Once you do that, they will actually give you a chance to say a word or two and you can empathize by telling them how good the lost person was (if they died) or “you deserve better.” (if they are going through a breakup).</p> <h3>10. Don’t change the subject</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1695.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>If you try to subtly change the topic so to distract your friend from what is it worrying them , it won’t help them. They might be suffering from a psychological state where they want to be heard. So when they realized you are trying to change the topic (which you are probably doing for their own betterment) , it will give them an impression that you are not interested in hearing them out or not open to them sharing their feelings to relieve their heavy heart. They ,due to their state of grief, might think you are more interested in an upcoming festival or checking out the new restaurant near your place.</p> <p>If you make show your interest in hearing them out, it will give them a gesture of you being there for them and waiting for them to share whatever it is that is worrying them.</p> <h3>9. Give voice to their pain</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1696.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>Having a pain companion is what a person always tries to find in the worst of their times. When your closed one is feeling down or going through a lot all they might need is to have someone by their side and to share with them what they have being feeling. Sometimes they feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to share their situation. They might think if they express themselves people will judge them or stigmatize them. But if they feel a sense of belongingness and a sincere and understanding environment they will most probably open up. “The worst part of holding a memory is not the pain, it’s the loneliness of it.” The more one is open to sharing a painful memory, the more likely they will move on from that state.Be the one for them whom they can rely on and the one with whom they can share with.</p> <h3>8. Giving positive reassurance makes them more negative</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1697.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>We often think that when our loved ones are in pain or distress , positive statements like, “it doesn’t matter everything will be fine” or “ I would kill to be in your place” will help them although the reality is contrary. Making them to feel you envy them might create a more difficult situation and might add to insecurity cycle of them the self-critical feelings. In such cases make them to accept their current situation and explain them how a vulnerable situation can turn out to be good for future by giving you strength to tackle it. Make them to compare their current situation with people who achieved</p> <p>greatness by going through the same.</p> <h3>7. Don’t try to fix their problem</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1698.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>It is the human nature that he doesn’t like being told what to do and what not to. When your friend is feeling down, your telling him what he should do to fix their problem will only worsen it. Try to empathize their feelings rather than suggesting how they should feel. You definitely cannot solve their problems so be with them as a listener. Just be there for them, listen to what and how they are putting it in front of you and agree with them in their feelings. If a friend is reluctant to talk or to be open towards you ,make sure they know that you are there for them.</p> <h3>6. Listen to understand</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1699.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>Whenever your friend is sad he needs to be heard, he wants someone by his side with whom he can share so be the one and try to hear them what they are saying and try to understand the reason for their being in such state. You should listen actively to them. Active listening directs the focus from what is going on in your mind towards what the needs of your friend are.</p> <h3>5. Reassurance with physical contact</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1700.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>Just being with your friend and listening is not enough. Give them gestures with your body language to show them you are listening to them and that you are there for them. Give them a hug or pat their back when they need it. When they understand you being there for them it will send a positive vibe to them and they will feel safe to be with you and will try to share their thoughts and feelings with you so you can then try to make them feel better.</p> <h3>4. Speak without fixing</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1702.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>Hear them out about how they are feeling and not just listen but try to make them feel better but the focus of your speech should be them not their problem. When someone is feeling upset they want your emotional support rather than you trying to fix their problem. Make them believe in theirselves so they could stand-up against their problem and fight it at their own. It can be upsetting for them to have someone not listening to their feelings or validating their sufferings. You need to know what is needed at any given moment with right balance of listening and helping. Those are the hard things. But it’s possible for friends to find that balance using the skills of insight and mutuality.</p> <h3>3. Relate to them</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1704.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>Try to understand the situation or the way they are feeling and thinking. Try to make a connection so that they can understand the reason of your presence with them and you can understand better the reason for their being upset. The moment there is a connection felt, it will dissolve the complexities of sharing and things will come out as they should be. You must be there to make them feel that how you have been in such situations too and how when you get out of the intensity of it you will see a simple and clear solution ahead of you.</p> <h3>2. Tell them you believe in them</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1706.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>When a person is in grief it is possible that they have lost all their faith in themselves and all the hope. Their morale could possibly be down and self esteem, shot. If you find their situation to be such, make them realize how you believe what person they are or the person they used to be. In their situation they need someone to reaffirm that you believe in them and how they can tackle such situation and fight it. Make them feel strong enough and show them how they have been in a place worst and how they got out of it. Show them that all they need is support and they have got it and your actions and words will assure it to them that they can do on their own, and they can definitely do it with you beside them.</p> <h3>1. Lastly, inspire them to get out of their depression.</h3> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/word-image-1708.jpeg"/>Tapoos.com <p>In the end, what needs the most strategic way to deal with is to inspire them to get out of their depressed state. Be the hand for them to bring them out of their state and show them how easy it is to do once you find the perfect reason to move on. Tell them that power comes with experience and you can’t learn unless you’ve been through the roughs. Make them realize that there is light after the dark and when you are in the dark the focus should be on the light. You need to show them how this all will make perfect sense someday all they need right now is to “laugh through confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself everything happens for a reason”.</p> <i></i>