<i></i> <i></i> <i></i> 0<p>The life of a divorced dad is filled with struggle and hurdles of every size and magnitude. With no second opinion over the fact that it is clearly very tough to manage a healthy relationship with your children and balancing your interaction with your ex-wife, a divorced dad has to walk the tightrope of satisfaction. However, this isn’t the end of the world as studies show that not all divorced fathers live miserable and impossible lives! It has been proven that it is indeed very realistic and possible to win at life in such a position as well. Read on about what such dads have in common, and before you know it, things will shape up for you!</p> <h2>1: Realize the need for self-care</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-1-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock <p>It isn’t rare for a newly divorced dad to find himself in a complete state of denial once the papers come in. Many years of planning and many memories come down with the pen that legally binds the parties out of their wedlock. While this is a very unideal and rather painful situation to be in, it must be appreciated that it is also perhaps the best time for making some big decisions and transitions. You need to ensure that while going through what may be the worst time of your life, you are in the best mental state possible. Not only this an instrumental trait for making it through without losing your sanity, but is also a trait common to all men who have been through the same and have made it big. Some of the ways you can maintain a healthy state of affairs at your end include eating correctly and not resorting to too much of those comfort foods. Secondly, keep an eye out for any opportunities which give you a chance for self-development. Make sure you learn from this encounter about different relationships and distancing as well, and while you’re at it, try to re-evaluate and redefine such relationships. Perhaps they gain or lose meaning and importance for you. Make sure to spend some time over these points, they will all be worth it!</p> <h2>2: Keep close to home</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-2-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock.com <p>Your loss of a relationship isn’t the only loss out of the equation. While your ex-spouse may or may not be benefitting from this, you need to bear in mind the innocence and growth of your children. The best way to do so is to stay closely involved in their lives even after the divorce so your absence is as minimally felt as possible. Studies have shown that not only does this strategy help keep the children healthy, but also makes for a very higher chance of the kids performing academically well also. Make sure to try your best to be there for when your children expect you the most, be it a school sporting event, a play, a birthday or just a recital. This helps in decreasing emotional distancing and is only made easier thanks to the advances of the 21st century. With Apps such as FaceTime, Skype, and any other video calling service, your kids will never be too far away to see, as long as you make a point in them knowing you’ll always be there.</p> <h2>3: Being a power couple</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-3-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock <p>Making joint custody work can be a hassle after the divorce but it is something that needs acknowledgment on its own. However, if you accept that this is for the better and your kids will benefit from this, joint custody isn’t an impossibility even in the roughest of divorces. For this, it is imperative to respect your ex. You need to put aside your differences and make sure both of you are on the same page. Don’t be too critical of them and make sure never to disrespect them in front of the kids! Another way to make this work is to show a sincere and genuine interest in the kids and their lives and activities on a day-to-day so the custodian spouse knows you actually want to help in their upbringing and have an honest interest in them. This is complimented by the next point where we go on to emphasize the first pointer of this blog again and stress on self-care. This will help your ex-know you can take proper care of the kids without any lapses in resources or denying them any needs. The last thing under this header is to keep all lines of communications open with your ex. Keeping up with respecting them, make sure they have constant access to you at all times. Again – do it for the kids!</p> <h2>4: Make every visit count</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-4-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock <p>Every minute counts when you know you’re not free to visit your kids whenever you wake up in the middle of the night because you miss them. Make sure to make the most of your visits and pay attention to your kids and their interests and hobbies so you can already plan your next trip beforehand. You don’t have to be a Disneyland Dad and you don’t always have to bring expensive gifts either. What matters is that your time with them goes on without a hitch and everyone feels safe and happy – as if the divorce never even happened. Just make sure you don’t give off part-time dad or babysitter vibes. If you’re their dad, you’re their dad!</p> <h2>5: Trust inside the father</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-5-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock <p>Fatherhood is a lovely experience but it doesn’t have to be any less enjoyable just because of a divorce. Learn to trust your paternal instincts when interacting with your children, or even when you’re thinking about them in solitude. Know when you should call them and when it is okay for them to stay up late to talk to you. Know when it’s time to introduce strict rules and parameters in their lives for their own good. Know when to take your children out for ice cream. Don’t wait for a sign, if you feel like it and know it’s in the best interest of the kids, make it happen. The sooner the better!</p> <h2>6: Don’t fuel the child support fire</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-6-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock <p>Money isn’t a weapon and you need to realize you shouldn’t harm your kids and potentially, their future, over a dispute or grudge with your ex. Understand that raising kids is a mutual and respectful doing and that your kids depend on you. If their financial reliance is on you, don’t withdraw your support just because you don’t your ex’s hands on your money. In doing so, know that your kids will hear a lot of negativity about you from their custodian and all of that may not even be true. This is turn creates huge opportunities for them to lose their trust in you and hence they might want to avoid you. This is the polar opposite of what we want. Keep your links open and help them out in each way you can and ultimately, the kids will realize and love and respect you more than ever.</p> <h2>7: Don’t hit restart just yet</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-7-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock <p>Studies show that 80% of men re-marry a woman very similar to the one they ended their wedlock with if they hurry and rush things. While it is accepted that moving on, albeit painful, is the only way forward, don’t make a hasty decision. While it may be very tempting to remarry another person who you know is ‘perfect’, invest time in yourself and try to figure out where you went wrong the last time. Try to structure out where exactly the scenario pivots and who is the de facto responsible party for it. Give it time. Think it through. There is no harm that can come from this. Only gains!</p> <h2>8: Don’t be afraid to reach out</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-8-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock <p>Men often try to put on this macho brave face, in an effort to show the world they can win anyone over and conquer where ever they set foot. Well, to that we say, they can learn from women who are more expressive in admitting they need help when they do. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other divorced dads and try to sit together and brainstorm on how your lives can move on. If that isn’t your thing, seek advice from a trusty friend who knows all the facts of your situation. Meal plans, day outs, kids’ activities, anything else you would want to know – even picking presents for your kids, you can always have the help of a friend.</p> <h2>9: Don’t lose hope!</h2> <img src="https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/09/d-drafting-27-9-2203-9-jpg.jpeg"/>Shutterstock <p>Say it with us – never, ever, ever lose hope! No one ever said it would be easy and no one ever can, but you need to stay positive and smile through the adversity when things are looking south. Remember – even in the bleakest of situations, there is always someone or something to be thankful for. Take this time to get to know yourself even better. We often disregard this important practice because we consider ourselves to be old enough to understand us. The fact is, we couldn’t be farther from the truth.</p> <p>Breathe in, breathe out. Things get better themselves.</p> <i></i>