{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-blog-post-js","path":"/EN/a/0e9470aee31355d939dfc53d0f78593a_t/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"Leonids"}},"markdownRemark":{"id":"de37912a-2810-51ca-8077-72ff882d83c4","excerpt":"","html":"<div class=\"gatsby-highlight\" data-language=\"text\"><pre class=\"language-text\"><code class=\"language-text\">      &lt;i&gt;&lt;/i&gt;   &lt;i&gt;&lt;/i&gt;   &lt;i&gt;&lt;/i&gt; 2&lt;p&gt;A happy relationship with your intimate partner, is something that everyone wants to experience, and enjoy. However, it is quite saddening to know that not all of the relationships enjoy the comfort and satisfaction which is required by every individual equally. Domestic violence is a menacing matter and one that must be abhorred by all means. It is nothing, but a heinous act that many people commit on a daily basis, yet being proud of their dominance shamelessly.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;p&gt;I sometimes wonder with despair and melancholy arousing my emotions, that what kind of pride or self-confidence one could possibly gain from letting your intimate partner down and treating them ruthlessly every single day? How could one possibly sleep well after committing such heinous acts regularly? Isn’t there any sense of accountability towards the inner self or whether these souls cannot fathom any kind of moral and sensible conduct?&lt;/p&gt; &lt;p&gt;Tons of questions occur every day in the minds of the people who are physically and verbally abused by their intimate partners, but no one is there to answer these questions to them. They are doomed in the valley of depression and loneliness.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;p&gt;In order to deal with these issues effectively it is essential that we should know that what kind of abusers are out there and how can we detect them. Moreover, it is also crucial to figure out that what kind of characteristics they have in common, and how can we deal with them in a manner, that may improve them, or protect the victim form getting attacked continuously.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Factual information regarding abuse&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-1-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;People who are continuously victimized to the abuse of their partners may have to go through a lot. Poor treatment, whether physically or verbally, can take the form of throwing different things towards them in order to scare them, brutally beating them up with hands, feet or some other thing, pushing them against something out of anger or rage, forcing them to have sex with them and making them a victim of marital rape as well, also pulling their hair in order to cause severe pain and misery to them.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;p&gt;Here are some of the important points about abuse that we must be aware of.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Abuse is a secret&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-2-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;Abuse is not something that anyone carries out in front of someone outside the family or their house. So, most of the times, abusive treatment is being held inside the house and the abusers, almost always, makes sure that no one from outside their house should know about this because this may harm their reputation.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Abusers, ‘I did not do anything at all! Understood?’&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-3-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;Abusers are very reluctant in accepting their mistakes or their faults. It is against their ego and so-called self-respect, if they do so. They would treat their partners poorly and would often abuse them according to their mood, but they will never acknowledge, what they did in front of anyone. On the other hand, they would prefer to indulge in the blame game and try their best that the victim is under a bad reputation. The abuser will blame the victims attitude or actions for making the abuser treat them poorly. They want to stay in their paradise of self-serving statements and misconceptions intentionally.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Verbal abuse to physical abuse and vice versa&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-4-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;In the initial stages, the abuser does not prefer to physically abuse their partners rather they start committing these heinous crimes by thoroughly disrespecting and insulting them verbally. This is called verbal abuse. They make sure that they let their intimate partners feel emotionally drowned and lonely. This may further make them do what these abusers tell them to do. They may dictate them and make them their slaves by making them withdraw from their friends and family. The more lonely and dependent on their abusive partners they become, the more they prepare themselves for physically abusing them on a regular basis. It makes the victim feel worthless and without any self-respect.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Abusers are the ruthless dictators&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-5-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;The abuser is a person who would love to dominate and dictate all the time. The abuser would not like to make any compromises or would not prefer to listen to the opinion of their partners at all, and even trying to convince them about something may make them angry which will further lead to abusive treatment of the partner. The abuser may want to keep their partners away from their friends and families as they would want to abate their independency by making them dependent on their abusive partners. The abuser’s mood swings can’t guarantee anything or any specific time at all. They may feel enraged at some point and may start beating their partners up and the other moment they may want to hug them expecting them to consider this as an apology.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Abuse and the availability of the weapons&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-6-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;It is better to make sure that there isn’t any gun available in the house somewhere. The availability of gun may appreciate the chances of murder by five hundred percent, which is horrifying and astonishing at the same time. Abusive partners who poorly treat their intimate partners, physically or verbally were found to be drinking and their proportion is two-thirds of the total domestic violence partners.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;The powerless abuser&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-7-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;The abuser may apparently seem like a know-it-all kind of person, but deep down in his heart, he or she knows that they are extremely insecure within their own skin and may feel discouraged or belittled many times. They are beings with no power at all. However, they would never let anyone know about their inner insecurities. On the contrary, they are, in many cases, found to be the ones who bully other people. They want to pressurize and let down their victims because they want to be the one in control and the dominant one. They do not prefer to have effective conversation for solving matter because they take this as a personal offense. They are very weak from the inside due to which they apparently want to act like a hulk all the time.&lt;/p&gt;     &lt;h2&gt;Subjection to fears and doubts is consistent&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-8-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;They contain a number of common characteristics in their personalities all the time which may include insecurity and distrustfulness with their partners. These abusers feel incomplete and they are always subjected to fears and doubts about their life and their relationships. Moreover, they do not trust their partners a lot as they may feel left out or not good enough with them in some way or the other. This ruins their relationship and makes matters even worse.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;The unpredictable mood swings and expectations&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-9-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;The abusers are extremely unpredictable beings in many cases as even after mistreating their partners, physically and verbally, they still contain unrealistic and childish expectations of their relationship. Additionally, if the victim fails to fulfill the requirements accordingly, they may entirely blame them for not loving them properly. Their insecurities lead them to be jealous and negatively competitive with their partners. They may feel highly concerned about their partners whereabouts and may restrict their socializing by keeping them away from their loved one. They may get enraged very often on the slightest of the issues and may react unpredictably in different times.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Their past and their blame games&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-10-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;Abusers may, in many cases, have a past record of the way they have treated their other family members or friends which may show and further explain the reasons behind such an attitude with their intimate partners. They may be disrespectful towards their siblings, class mates, and even with the animals. They may be rude and cruel with their children making them victims as well. They would always indulge in the blame game to create a scene usually and would never accept their faults.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Mental health diseases can be disastrous for them&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-11-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;A lot of times, the abusers may suffer from mental illnesses and diseases that may not be recognized initially and may have been the reason behind such abusive treatment and actions. They may be thoroughly affected adversely by depression and may have felt lonely due to which they have adopted suicidal behavior for a certain period of time. These things must be noticed beforehand or such people often tend to become the bad guys because they become revengeful with their unfortunate circumstances and life in general due to which they always mistreat people who surround them most of the times.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Do not avoid them, deal with them!&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-12-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;The response of the victims in cases like such is that they would genuinely explain their stance and their actions honestly in order to resolve the matter constructively rather than having a pointless argument. They do this because they believe that the abuser would understand the situation with rationality and would not think emotionally in this regard. On the contrary, the abuser realizes instantly that he or she is the one in control and the victim is horrified by all means. A victim should try to act differently in this regard and choose not to get involved in the ruthless argument, or by having a conversation in an offensive manner which may make him angry instantly. In this way, the abuser may not be able to react offensively because nothing would make him feel worse, insecure or unworthy. Additionally, another option maybe to set some boundaries between the relationship and try to consult a counsellor for having relationship counselling to make things better rather than worse. It is of no use to avoid the abuser continuously and expect him or her to change one day, because that is just not happening at all. What one can do is that they can talk to their abusive partners for a solution and expect them to improve little by little. Avoiding the situation temporarily is not providing any solutions in the long term at all.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Victims have to stay, no matter what!&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-13-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;The victims are doomed in the valley of despair and melancholy. They may want to leave and have a better life but there are often a lot of reasons that make it difficult for them to take such a decision. The foremost reason being the lack of financial support and stability as an individual and the difficulty a place to live in. A lot of victims are not supported by their families and friends to take such a decision of separation or divorce. They are discouraged and left lonely in this regard.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;p&gt;Another important reason that withholds a victim to leave their abusive partners is a major concern about their children’s upbringing and concerns. They know that they will be adversely affected by this so they choose to stay and make things better where possibilities of betterment are rare. The victims may take the entire blame of abuse which further weakens their argument to leave their partner. The victims do not have enough courage left to take such decisions and their insecurities and abated self-esteem makes them stay in the cage for the rest of their lives. In the end, they wonder whether they will ever find anyone better than their abusive partners, they know their hearts still hold emotions for them, but can it love someone other than them? These tangled questions and emotions does not leave them with a choice to leave their partners.&lt;/p&gt; &lt;h2&gt;Ensure your security, and take steps accordingly&lt;/h2&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;https://cdnone.netlify.com/db/2017/10/d-drafting-5-10-2291-14-jpg.jpeg&quot;/&gt;Shutterstock &lt;p&gt;It is essential to take some crucial steps for safety and security purposes beforehand if you are living with your abusive partner. You may make sure that your life is not in danger again by making sure that you have your own bank and credits cards available. It must be with your identity and name on it. You must ensure that some of the friends or relatives may be available, if you have to go somewhere safe to live instantly. Always keep a bag packed in advance which may include your clothes, your children’s clothes, crucial items and legal papers, passport and bank information must be available with you, and all the related cards and money must also be in your custody. Be friendly with your neighbors and let them know if your need help in calling the police if your partner attacks you again and your life is I danger. The car keys and house keys must have duplicates and must be in your custody as well. Make sure that your hide some of them in secret places like inside a plant pot or under the carpet somewhere. Make sure no guns or dangerous weapons are available at your place.&lt;/p&gt;     &lt;p&gt;It is essential that you must take care of yourself and your happiness well. Nobody will ever come and knock on your door to ask for your welfare. It is only you, who can keep yourself happy and satisfied in the long-term. Remember that, always!&lt;/p&gt;   &lt;i&gt;&lt;/i&gt;</code></pre></div>","frontmatter":{"mitle":"Why Do People Abuse? | How the Mind of an Abuser Works","description":"And what to do about it!"}}},"pageContext":{"slug":"/EN/a/0e9470aee31355d939dfc53d0f78593a_t/","previous":{"fields":{"slug":"/EN/a/2b37ff0efb120b92f8f9a74ec3d51ffa_t/"},"frontmatter":{"mitle":"19 Fun Conversations to Have with Your Spouse to Kick up a Spark in Your Marriage"}},"next":{"fields":{"slug":"/EN/a/20f1df0f5c47e320d86595c2202e69ca_t/"},"frontmatter":{"mitle":"Judge Asks What ‘Thot’ Means in Trial of Man Accused of Groping Woman at Christmas Party"}}}},"staticQueryHashes":["2841359383"]}